An Exploration of Unconditional Love cont....

* Create together some common cause you are both interested in and committed to accomplishing. This opens up the possibility of working together, in communication with each other, in agreement about what you are both dedicated to accomplishing. You feel helped by each other, grateful to each other, willing to acknowledge each other, and capable of bringing about results in the world together. Actually creating something together is a lot of fun. Babies are fun to create, although they are a hell of a lot of work for a long time. Creating is a lot more fun than bitching and whining.

* Stay involved with other people committed to telling the truth and to something bigger than their own comfort. An honest relationship with other couples supports your couple. Couples need another couple or two for friends. If intimacy doesn't extend to friends and extended family, the network of support is too thin. If you have even one good friend to both people, to whom both can talk and who supports both in telling the truth, you have a great resource.

* Make requests from your mate for what you want but stay willing to take care of yourself. You can practice this by picking something you usually bitch about your mate's not doing for you, and then sit down with them and practice. You say something like this: "If you want to please me, if you want to know what would make me happy, here is what I would really like for you to do . If you don't do that; it's O.K, I'm a big girl (boy), and I will take care of it myself. You are not obligated to make or keep me happy or to do what I want. I am responsible for my own happiness. If I get mad at you, I will handle it, and I'll get over it. If I get disappointed, I'll be responsible for my own disappointment." Wouldn't it be great to be married to someone who really did that? This is a fine basic sort of position to come from to relate to other people in general: here is what I want, but you don't have to provide it for me. You are invited and requested, but not obligated, to take care of me.


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