Saturday, March 5, 2011

An Exploration of Unconditional Love

* Take any help you can get. Stay involved with some ongoing context for learning and working on communication. We all can receive invaluable support from courses we have taken.

There are groups of people willing to contribute to other people everywhere there are people. That is one fine thing about which we current humans should all be very happy. Some groups are better at supporting people than others, but the world is full of people who wish to contribute to other people.

* Grow or die. If you don't keep growing you go dead.

* Have a long conversation (some time when you are not arguing) about when you first got together and how your relationship has evolved over time. Talk about times of jealousy, times of not much of anything, times of not much sex, times of sex that's not much, times you have worked well together. Talk about how your marriage has been a cauldron. Talk about when you have made the cauldron into a flower pot.


We are back to the beginning now. Back to that little being whose life came on in the womb. Back to that little being we go and discover the source of love. Full love, in orgasm, in sleeping together, in cuddling, in cuddling children, is a loss of identity at a time when you know who you are more completely than ever. When you are lost in love, your personality is included in something bigger than itself or else it is obliterated. How lucky can you get?

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

An Exploration of Unconditional Love cont....

* Create together some common cause you are both interested in and committed to accomplishing. This opens up the possibility of working together, in communication with each other, in agreement about what you are both dedicated to accomplishing. You feel helped by each other, grateful to each other, willing to acknowledge each other, and capable of bringing about results in the world together. Actually creating something together is a lot of fun. Babies are fun to create, although they are a hell of a lot of work for a long time. Creating is a lot more fun than bitching and whining.

* Stay involved with other people committed to telling the truth and to something bigger than their own comfort. An honest relationship with other couples supports your couple. Couples need another couple or two for friends. If intimacy doesn't extend to friends and extended family, the network of support is too thin. If you have even one good friend to both people, to whom both can talk and who supports both in telling the truth, you have a great resource.

* Make requests from your mate for what you want but stay willing to take care of yourself. You can practice this by picking something you usually bitch about your mate's not doing for you, and then sit down with them and practice. You say something like this: "If you want to please me, if you want to know what would make me happy, here is what I would really like for you to do . If you don't do that; it's O.K, I'm a big girl (boy), and I will take care of it myself. You are not obligated to make or keep me happy or to do what I want. I am responsible for my own happiness. If I get mad at you, I will handle it, and I'll get over it. If I get disappointed, I'll be responsible for my own disappointment." Wouldn't it be great to be married to someone who really did that? This is a fine basic sort of position to come from to relate to other people in general: here is what I want, but you don't have to provide it for me. You are invited and requested, but not obligated, to take care of me.

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

An Exploration of Unconditional Love cont...

Desperation is a terrible basis for union.

If the couple I just talked about had gotten married when they got scared they were about to lose each other, and stayed married on that basis, it would have been a desperate union. That kind of marriage sucks.

Loving the holy human prototype is more important than loving the personality.

The holy human prototype is the person you see when you look into someone else's eyes without prejudgment. The holy human prototype is like a child. It is the noticer. It is the being, just like you, just across from you. It is the being who, you can tell by just looking, like looking in a mirror, has the same kind of electric circuitry as yourself. You can love that being of the other as much as you love yourself. When that being is a child, you can love him/her more than yourself. Beings do a better job of loving each other than minds.

Things That Help Couples Have A Powerful Relationship

* Complete any incomplete relationships with your parental family. Go have a revealing conversation with your father, mother, brother, sister, or any important earlier relation. This gives you completion as well as practice in renewal. This helps you finish incomplete situations from the past so you can begin living in the present, being present to each other, and living toward the future.

This is one of the most frequent mistakes we make. How can we have a clean clear relationship if we ae stuck with too many connections to the past? We start making excuses for these connections and we are lost at that point.